September 13, 2022 at 1:30pm. This was the date and time my cesarean section was scheduled for my twin pregnancy. I was 35 weeks and 2 days. I woke up feeling apathetic and ran through the list of instructions, given by my high risk OB, to prepare for my c-section. E and I took some last minute pregnancy photos featuring my bump and started getting ready to head out. I gave my dog, Hobi, a long hug before leaving.
We arrived at the hospital’s welcome desk at 11:30am and was let into the birth center for check-in. My nurse came out to escort us into my triage room. I walked in and saw a gurney and an empty baby bed. Reality didn’t hit me yet that I would soon become a mother of two boys. In hindsight, I think I was still holding my breath at that point in case something went wrong. I read so many Reddit forum stories of how common it is for twin deliveries to go wrong.
I changed into the hospital gown and my nurse attempted to start an IV; however, another nurse came in and started it instead. They also performed a non-stress test to make sure the babies were doing okay. At this point, I was sweating profusely even though I wasn’t nervous. I have never felt this level of intense sweating before – it was as if I was in a sauna. The nurse wiped down my body with these sterilizing wipes to prepare for surgery & it felt amazing. To help speed up the process, she went ahead and shaved some of my pubic hair where the incision will most likely be at.
Finally, around 1:00pm, the anesthesia chief resident came in to discuss the anesthesia process. Since I was having a scheduled c-section, they will perform a spinal block on me. The spinal block will numb me from chest down and it’ll last for at least two hours, which should be enough time for the entire c section procedure. I always heard that the anesthesiologist is your best friend during surgery, and I have to agree. My anesthesiologist was amazing – he explained everything in great detail & had such a great bedside manner. Even to this day, I have to give him credit for my positive c section experience.
Around 1:40pm, the OB chief resident and another resident came in to discuss the c section. It was brief but informative & again, wonderful bedside manner. I felt confident in both teams.
As time went on, the anesthesia and OB attendings came and introduced themselves. Then we got the green light to head on over to the surgery room around 1:50pm.
This was when I started getting nervous. I was still sweating like crazy and the walk to the OR seemed to have lasted forever. I had so many thoughts running through my mind. All I remember doing was rubbing my big belly as it was the last time I could do so. I whispered a few words to babies A & K and soaked in the last moments of carrying them. E was holding my hands as we entered the OR.
The OR was very bright and white. My first thought was that the bed was a lot slimmer than I expected and I was worried that I might fall off during surgery. The anesthesia team was already there waiting for me and the OB team trickled behind me. The anesthesia chief resident welcomed me into the OR and instructed me to sit on the edge of the bed & how to position my back. I bent forward, shoulders relaxed, as he examined my spine. I have scoliosis so he took the extra time to locate the spinal block injection site. First, he injected lidocaine to numb the area in which the spinal block will be administered. I read online that this part is the most “painful” part of the entire c section. However, it just felt like tiny pinches (but I’m also not scared of needles.) He let the lidocaine settle in before going in with the larger spinal block needle. The anesthesia fellow had to remind me to relax my shoulders since I was tensing up without realizing it. I felt some pressure when the spinal block needle went in but that was about it. After the spinal block, the anesthesia team helped me lay down onto the bed. Within a couple of seconds, I felt my feet getting tingly. The anesthesia resident kept mentioning that the OB team won’t start until we are sure that I’m completely numb. However, the reassurance caused me to panic because I was wondering how can we be POSITIVE that I’m completely numb and won’t feel any pain!? This was when I started getting anxious of the whole process. My feet eventually went from tingly to numbness to the point where I could no longer move or feel my legs. Think sleep paralysis status – I didn’t like the feeling. While I was experiencing my losing of sensation, the medical teams were setting up for the surgery. It was an organized chaos. E was by my side rubbing my shoulder to calm me down. The anesthesia chief resident then proceeded to do the “numb test.” He poked my shoulder with a sharp object and he asked me to let him know when I felt the same level of sharp pain on my belly. He started poking from my lower abdomen up towards my chest and each time, I let him know when I felt the same level of sharp pain. I was laying there thinking, “Omg, I’m still feeling the sharp pain around my abdomen, I’m not numb. They can’t start!” Then eventually the anesthesia resident said that the OB team tested the surgery instruments on me and I didn’t even react to them so I’m completely numb. Before I knew it, I started hearing a soft sawing noise. He let me know that the OB team has started.
The anesthesia resident updated me the entire time on OB’s progress all while comforting me and letting me know that I’m doing a fantastic job. He did let me know that I’ll be experiencing severe uncontrollable shivering during the procedure, which is completely normal. It’s my body and hormones reacting to the situation and medicines. I was shivering uncontrollably that my teeth were rattling against each other.
I laid there feeling every painless tug and push. It was weird to hear them cutting into me, but not feeling any pain. It was such an out of body experience. After about 40 minutes, I heard the OB team saying, “Baby A coming out.” I felt them tugging him out of my body, which felt like waves crashing inside my belly. This was the most pressure I felt during the entire surgery. Then a cry filled the room. I let out a sigh of relief; however, I was thinking of Baby K since he was still inside me. After 2 minutes, I felt the same wave crashing sensation, and then I heard a second cry. I let out a smile and was so relieved that both of them came out alive.
They laid Baby A on my chest and briefly brought Baby K to me for a quick family photo. However, Baby K was having some respiratory issues so they swiftly took him away to put on a respirator. E went with Baby K to the NICU. I laid there with a blank mind. I think I was suppressing myself from reflecting on what just happened. This surgery ended my pregnancy and started my motherhood journey. I no longer was carrying two babies inside of me and instead, I’m going to be left with an empty shell that I’ll need to learn to embrace. I trusted that my babies were in good hands at that point and that I made the best decision to have my c-section scheduled at 35 weeks.
They started stitching me up which took about another 40 minutes. I was then wheeled back into my triage room and Baby A followed right behind me. They placed Baby A on me for skin to skin and then we attempted to breastfeed. I was just so bewildered that the c section was done and I have become a mother of two boys.
E came back to update me on Baby K’s status, but went back to him afterwards. I was in the room alone with Baby A for a bit and I felt like my whole world was laying on my chest. I looked down on Baby A and instantly fell in love. He was so tiny yet warm. My motherly instinct took over and felt the immense responsibility to keep him safe. I couldn’t help but think of Baby K, who I haven’t really seen or touched yet. I felt a sense of nostalgia, a bit of sadness, and regret that I no longer had a baby bump. The nurse took him from me after about 30 minutes so that I can rest. I gave Baby A a hug and said I love you and just smiled. Then I took my much needed nap.